Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
