she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
