her vagine was all disorganized.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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