In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just pynch a tree in the face
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
