just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
