just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
