Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
