I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
