You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
