why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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