the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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