i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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