You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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