she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
