There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
