Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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