My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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