I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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