I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The air taste purple.
Randomize