so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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