that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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