Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
