New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
