bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
