im drinking this country out of the recession.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
