At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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