you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
