soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
