Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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