i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
