he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize