I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
