Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
