I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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