I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
