You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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