Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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