YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
