I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
birth control should be required to get into college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
