new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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