His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
