I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
