There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
