I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
