your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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