ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
