Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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