not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize