i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
