grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize