I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
