apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
