Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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