He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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