Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
