I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
