i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
