i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
