is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i believe in u and ur pee
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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