no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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