i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
