Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
