I must be too annoying 4 u.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
