I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
