Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
