honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this boner is exhausting
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
