he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
