chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
