she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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