I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
